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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Actually
Laugh
Life
Sex
Watches
Watch
Mirror
Laughing
Mirrors
Terrible
Likes
Says
Bed
Wife
Dog
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
Rodney Dangerfield
