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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Actually
Laugh
Life
Sex
Watches
Watch
Mirror
Laughing
Mirrors
Terrible
Likes
Says
Bed
Wife
Dog
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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I can't get no respect.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
Rodney Dangerfield
I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
Rodney Dangerfield
