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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Dog
Actually
Laugh
Life
Sex
Watches
Watch
Mirror
Laughing
Mirrors
Terrible
Likes
Says
Bed
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
