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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Thing
Satisfy
Bed
Yeah
Leave
Wife
Tell

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
Rodney Dangerfield
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
Rodney Dangerfield
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
Rodney Dangerfield