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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Satisfy
Bed
Yeah
Leave
Wife
Tell
Thing
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
Rodney Dangerfield
