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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wants
Warden
Grows
Wardens
Funny
Thumb
Family
Thumbs
Kids
Chairs
Electric
Prison
Humor
Tacks

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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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