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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Electric
Prison
Humor
Tacks
Wants
Warden
Grows
Wardens
Funny
Thumb
Family
Thumbs
Kids
Chairs
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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I can't get no respect.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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