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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Mother
Smacked
Doctor
Doctors
Respect
Born
Tell
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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I don't get no respect
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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