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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Smacked
Doctor
Doctors
Respect
Born
Tell
Mother
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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