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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Live
Complete
Radio
Yeah
Tires
Saws
Taxi
Took
Tire
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Strangers
Guy
Neighborhood
Two
Stranger
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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