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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Two
Stranger
Live
Complete
Radio
Yeah
Tires
Saws
Taxi
Took
Tire
Share
Strangers
Guy
Neighborhood
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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