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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Men
Thanked
Zoos
Returning
Ugly
Took
Kids
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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