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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Girl
Tell
Women
Prisons
Best
Hang
Way
Prison
Wait
Girls
Waiting
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
Rodney Dangerfield
Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
Rodney Dangerfield
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield
[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
Rodney Dangerfield
