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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Tell
Women
Prisons
Best
Hang
Way
Prison
Wait
Girls
Waiting
Girl
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
Rodney Dangerfield
