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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Women
Prisons
Best
Hang
Way
Prison
Wait
Girls
Waiting
Girl
Tell
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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