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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Girls
Waiting
Girl
Tell
Women
Prisons
Best
Hang
Way
Prison
Wait

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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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