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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Women
Prisons
Best
Hang
Way
Prison
Wait
Girls
Waiting
Girl
Tell
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
Rodney Dangerfield
With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
Rodney Dangerfield
You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
Rodney Dangerfield
Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
Rodney Dangerfield
