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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Girl
Tell
Women
Prisons
Best
Hang
Way
Prison
Wait
Girls
Waiting
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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