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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Cheek
Nice
Cheeks
Tell
Bent
Give
Date
Firsts
Dating
First
Kiss
Giving
Kissing
Never
Asked
Goodnight

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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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