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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Nice
Cheeks
Tell
Bent
Give
Date
Firsts
Dating
First
Kiss
Giving
Kissing
Never
Asked
Goodnight
Wife
Cheek

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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I don't get no respect
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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