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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Never
Asked
Goodnight
Wife
Cheek
Nice
Cheeks
Tell
Bent
Give
Date
Firsts
Dating
First
Kiss
Giving
Kissing

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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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