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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Good
Fractions
Lover
Scale
Scales
Lovers
Rate
Asked
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
Rodney Dangerfield
Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
Rodney Dangerfield
