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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Lovers
Rate
Asked
Wife
Good
Fractions
Lover
Scale
Scales
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
Rodney Dangerfield
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
Rodney Dangerfield
Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
Rodney Dangerfield
