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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Lovers
Rate
Asked
Wife
Fractions
Good
Lover
Scale
Scales
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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I don't get no respect
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
Rodney Dangerfield
