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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Scales
Lovers
Rate
Asked
Wife
Good
Fractions
Lover
Scale
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
Rodney Dangerfield
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Rodney Dangerfield
