Quote

I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Tell
Brush
Brushes
Cook
Cooks
Count
Teeth
Dinner
Wife
Lousy

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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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