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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Men
Street
Streets
Told
Days
Came
Willpower
Four
Eaten
Guy
Homeless
Wish
Hadn
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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