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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Told
Days
Came
Willpower
Four
Eaten
Guy
Homeless
Wish
Hadn
Men
Street
Streets
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
Rodney Dangerfield
Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
Rodney Dangerfield
my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield
