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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Days
Came
Willpower
Four
Eaten
Guy
Homeless
Wish
Hadn
Men
Street
Streets
Told
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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