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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wrong
Something
Make
Like
Schoolteachers
Date
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
Rodney Dangerfield
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield
One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
Rodney Dangerfield
I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
Rodney Dangerfield
