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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Told
Mickey
Went
Disneyland
Kids
Mouse
Never
Mice
Men
Experiment
Experiments
Cancer
Died
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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I don't get no respect
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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