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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Went
Disneyland
Kids
Mouse
Never
Mice
Men
Experiment
Experiments
Cancer
Died
Told
Mickey
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
Rodney Dangerfield
