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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Kids
Mouse
Never
Mice
Men
Experiment
Experiments
Cancer
Died
Told
Mickey
Went
Disneyland
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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