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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Childhood
Gave
Away
Firsts
First
Bats
Men
Flew
Birthday
Played
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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