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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Firsts
First
Bats
Men
Flew
Birthday
Played
Childhood
Gave
Away
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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