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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Tried
Sex
Bring
Kinky
Called
Bottle
Woman
Bedroom
Stuff
Bottles
Littles
Mirrors
Little
Brought
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
Rodney Dangerfield
It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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I don't get no respect
Rodney Dangerfield
My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
Rodney Dangerfield
Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
Rodney Dangerfield
A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
Rodney Dangerfield
