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I don't get no respect

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Tombstone
Respect

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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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