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I don't get no respect

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Tombstone
Respect

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
Rodney Dangerfield