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I don't get no respect

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Tombstone
Respect

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
Rodney Dangerfield
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
Rodney Dangerfield