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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Sex
Humor
Wants
Called
Talk
Funny
Night
Hotel
Always
Girlfriend
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
