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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Came
Guy
Funny
Jogging
Home
Buddy
Men
Hey
Naked
Saws
Early
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
Rodney Dangerfield
I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
Rodney Dangerfield
