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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Jogging
Home
Buddy
Men
Hey
Naked
Saws
Early
Came
Guy
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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