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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Stiff
Envious
Humorous
Wind
Age
Funny
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
Rodney Dangerfield
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
Rodney Dangerfield
Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
Rodney Dangerfield
I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
Rodney Dangerfield
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
Rodney Dangerfield
She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
Rodney Dangerfield
I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
Rodney Dangerfield
Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield
One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
Rodney Dangerfield
I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
Rodney Dangerfield
You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
Rodney Dangerfield
