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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Lucky
Came
Never
Airport
Airports
Ship
Ships
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
Rodney Dangerfield
