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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Airport
Airports
Ship
Ships
Lucky
Came
Never
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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