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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Ships
Lucky
Came
Never
Airport
Airports
Ship
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
Rodney Dangerfield
If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
Rodney Dangerfield
My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
Rodney Dangerfield
My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
Rodney Dangerfield
They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
Rodney Dangerfield
When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
Rodney Dangerfield
One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
Rodney Dangerfield
I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
Rodney Dangerfield
And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
Rodney Dangerfield
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
Rodney Dangerfield
I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
Rodney Dangerfield
One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
Rodney Dangerfield
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
Rodney Dangerfield
I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
Rodney Dangerfield
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
Rodney Dangerfield
When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
Rodney Dangerfield
Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
Rodney Dangerfield
