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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Stupidity
Sign
Wife
Water
Funny
Earth
Together
Exes
Made
Mud
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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