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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Earth
Together
Exes
Mud
Made
Stupidity
Sign
Wife
Water
Funny
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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I can't get no respect.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
Rodney Dangerfield
