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I can't get no respect.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Complaints
Complaining
Respect

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
Rodney Dangerfield
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
Rodney Dangerfield
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
Rodney Dangerfield
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
Rodney Dangerfield
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
Rodney Dangerfield
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
Rodney Dangerfield
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Rodney Dangerfield
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
Rodney Dangerfield