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I can't get no respect.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Complaints
Complaining
Respect

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
Rodney Dangerfield
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
Rodney Dangerfield
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
Rodney Dangerfield