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I can't get no respect.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Respect
Complaints
Complaining

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
Rodney Dangerfield
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
Rodney Dangerfield
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
Rodney Dangerfield
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
Rodney Dangerfield
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
Rodney Dangerfield
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
Rodney Dangerfield