Quote

Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Guy
Ducks
Talking
Pigs
Funny
Bars
Clever
Smart
Arms
Goes
Bartender
Says
Duck

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
Rodney Dangerfield
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
Rodney Dangerfield
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
Rodney Dangerfield
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
Rodney Dangerfield
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
Rodney Dangerfield