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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Bigs
Mother
Used
Climbing
Rock
Rocks
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
Rodney Dangerfield
Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
Rodney Dangerfield
