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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Climbing
Rock
Rocks
Funny
Bigs
Mother
Used
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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I don't get no respect
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
Rodney Dangerfield
