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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Bigs
Mother
Used
Climbing
Rock
Rocks
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
Rodney Dangerfield
