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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Poor
Show
Funny
Business
Shows
Kids
Orgies
Used
Grapes
Humor
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
Rodney Dangerfield
