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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Shows
Kids
Orgies
Used
Grapes
Humor
Poor
Show
Funny
Business
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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