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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Tobacco
Cigarette
Smoking
Sex
Times
Certain
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More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
Rodney Dangerfield
With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
Rodney Dangerfield
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
Rodney Dangerfield
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
Rodney Dangerfield
I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
Rodney Dangerfield
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
Rodney Dangerfield
One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
Rodney Dangerfield
I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
Rodney Dangerfield
I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
Rodney Dangerfield
I have three kids, one of each.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
Rodney Dangerfield
