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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Traps
Mice
Humor
Morning
Funny
Pushups
Didn
Nude
Good
Mouse
Trap
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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I don't get no respect
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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