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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Morning
Funny
Pushups
Didn
Nude
Good
Mouse
Trap
Traps
Mice
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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I can't get no respect.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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