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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Good
Mouse
Trap
Traps
Mice
Humor
Morning
Funny
Pushups
Didn
Nude
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I can't get no respect.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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